Aliens be judging your kinks and fetishes… 👀
Unless these aliens can break the laws of physics their cameras will produce heat and have to send signals somewhere. So we’ll be able to detect them.
Humans didn’t even have the technology to observe most of the eletromagnegtic spectrum for like practically all of human history apart from the recent hundred of years or so, bold of you to assume there isn’t higher form of techology that’s undetectable to us. I mean, the North Sentinese and other uncontacted tribes around the world still can’t even fanthom that we are talking to each other using radiowaves in the air.
There is this sci-fi novel called Three Body Problem and
spoiler
the aliens used a high tech AI supercomputer called the “Sophons” that can be invisible to humans and are spying on Earth in order to plan for an invasion. Humans only figured out after scientists started dying, seemingly mysteriously.
Its sci-fi, but like, they could just take advantage of the tech we already have and hack our servers to gather data, and even if humans figure it out about the hacking, they would just think it was human criminal and its just labeled as a “databreach”. (Who knows, maybe one of the databreaches are actually just aliens gathering data.)
Like… goverments run by humans already out so much cameras in the streets, aliens can just… tap into the feed lol. Use our own surveillance state against us.
Those aliens will be vexed for sure!
The government and corporations can do that too
Bold of you to assume I’m unaware
The birds are watching you.
Try leaving bird seeds. They’ll know instantly, because they’re always watching you.
If you don’t leave bird seeds they will find your car and shit on it.
your car
Laughs in lack of driving license
You know that documentary show “Spy in the Wild” where they film animals using animatronics that look like those animals. Well aliens are probably doing it right now to us. Lifelike androids are among us. Some of us are even married to them and have kids with them. The aliens are so advanced that they can build human robots that are humanlike down to the cell.
They live!
Baby, tech companies are doing all that right now.
That’s my fetish…
Yes, we are. Please stop masturbating. Thanks.
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Come down here and prove my anus, then, you gray cowards!
Please stop masturbating
Abso-fucking-lutely not
I mean, you can keep doing it if you want to, some of uh, them, might not mind it so much.
Exactly. If humans can have an extremely diverse range of kinks and fetishes, just imagine the kinds that advanced civilizations might have.
Keep talking…
I’m always open to new ideas
42 gallon jar of baconaise, magic the gathering common cards, and a box of matches!
I don’t think I need to go on.
This again? They said NEW ideas!
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No.
I’ll stop jacking it if you stop watching me, untill then imma be out there doing it San Diego style.
I mean, yeah. If someone had the technology to not only fly half a billion light years to get to our little mud ball (in person or with advanced machines) they’d have a trivial time hiding and blending in. Most likely for the same reason, since there’s literally nothing we have that they could want other than to study us as a curiosity. The only resource we have that they couldn’t find easier and more abundantly, or reproduce from samples, is our culture. That’s it, that’s the only thing we have that might be considered with the effort. Not water, air, energy, precious metals, phosphorous, brains, mates, food, slaves, vassals, soldiers, or anything else that would be worth the trip.
I mean, if you can reasonably bridge the gulf between stars, scientific advancement is basically all that’s left, unless it’s just your culture to be slaving, warmongering dickheads. Your home solar system probably has all the raw materials and energy you could ever ask for.
I think honestly that is the most likely answer to why aliens have not visited, they just are not interested.
They saw the horrors that our species can do in wars and promptly left the planet
I always thought it was the transmissions of zombies, vampires, Werewolf, yokai, and godzilla.
Or maybe aliens just don’t care. We may not be that special.
Occasionally you do observe the woodpeckers in your backyard, but ignore the crows in the forest. Maybe there’s an ornithologist who cares about those crows, but most of us just can’t be bothered.
Some alien civilizations use light bulbs to film and listen to Humans. Those new LEDs are considered high definition. Just sayin’.
Here I was thinking they don’t need to plant devices, they can just use advanced ways of watching our cameras/satellite imagery.
they are listening
You think I don’t notice??? I say outloud “I WANT TO BUY CATFOOD!!!” and then suddenly later that week, by pure coincidence, at the supermarket, there just “happens” to be a whole isle of various pet foods??? Yeah. I think not! That whole scheme is just an alien scheme to get me to adopt that french cat who follows me around town speaking french all day! I tried telling him! MR CAT! I DON’T SPEAK YOUR FRENCH LANGUAGE!!! YOU NEED TO BEFRIEND A TRANSLATOR TO TALK TO ME!!! NO HABLAH ESPENOL!!!"
But there he is. Every day, just trying to talk to me like “J’ai un chat dans mon pantalon”.
And you’re trying to tell me this cat is just a natural wild animal? This is the work of aliens for sure! Otherwise this cat would walk to Quebec Canada where they tolerate that kind of frenchness.
What? You think cats give a shit about our borders, and passports??? Bitch, have you met a cat???
Easy way to verify if your phone is spying on you:
wispers “Hey, Let’s kill [Name of the leader of your country]”
If you hear police sirens, congrats, your phone cheated on you! Now you know…
💀💥🔫👮♂️ gunshots echoing in the distance…
I kinda like this variation on the theme:
They clenched around the world like a fist, each black as the inside of an event horizon until those last bright moments when they all burned together. They screamed as they died. Every radio up to geostat groaned in unison, every infrared telescope went briefly snowblind. Ashes stained the sky for weeks afterwards; mesospheric clouds, high above the jet stream, turned to glowing rust with every sunrise. The objects, apparently, consisted largely of iron. Nobody ever knew what to make of that.
For perhaps the first time in history, the world knew before being told: if you’d seen the sky, you had the scoop. The usual arbiters of newsworthiness, stripped of their accustomed role in filtering reality, had to be content with merely labeling it. It took them ninety minutes to agree on Fireflies. A half hour after that, the first Fourier transforms appeared in the noosphere; to no one’s great surprise, the Fireflies had not wasted their dying breaths on static. There was pattern embedded in that terminal chorus, some cryptic intelligence that resisted all earthly analysis. The experts, rigorously empirical, refused to speculate: they only admitted that the Fireflies had said something. They didn’t know what.
Everyone else did. How else would you explain 65,536 probes evenly dispersed along a lat-long grid that barely left any square meter of planetary surface unexposed? Obviously the Flies had taken our picture. The whole world had been caught with its pants down in panoramic composite freeze-frame. We’d been surveyed—whether as a prelude to formal introductions or outright invasion was anyone’s guess.
