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KDE Plasma is the best desktop (or you can choose to be wrong)
and then…
if someone is STRONGLY pushing a specific distro/package manager/whatever? Ignore them.
lol. I love it. :P
To OP though, if you really don’t want to “distro-hop”, you definitely should test drive several. Look into Ventoy, it basically makes a bootable flash drive that has a separate folder/partition you can just drop bootable .iso files into, and then on boot Ventoy shows you basically a boot menu that lets you pick any one of the images to boot. If you get a nice and big usb flash drive, you can get basically ALL of the distros you want to try on one bootable usb stick so test driving them requires a lot less time and effort. You won’t get a good idea of performance typically from a live environment, but you get a very good idea for the “look and feel” which will likely help you narrow it down a lot.
My biggest hurdle is honestly that GrapheneOS only supports Pixel phones… I had one once and hated it and honestly don’t know how much of that was because of google’s android or the phone itself and am reluctant to buy a new pixel phone to try GrapheneOS and find out I still hate the hardware. I’ve had a much better “out of the box” experience with Samsung phones (and love that my current one has an sd card slot and headphone jack - but I know that’s pretty much non-existent on new phones) but am finding they are so locked down and closed off by Samsung you can’t really put anything else on it and have it work properly as far as I can tell.
It’s time for a new phone, and I’m honestly not sure what to do… The easy route seems like getting a pixel and putting GrapheneOS on it before doing anything else, but I just don’t super trust that the hardware isn’t going to drive me nuts…