Nothing, not an act of a higher power nor the full force of government action, could compel me to drop a deuce off at the motor pool in a public bathroom.

I’d rather die from a perforated colon and subsequent infection.

I hate to be a pedant, but he “pled” guilty.

Saying “pleaded” is like saying that you “shitted” your pants.

I quit Lowe’s a few months ago and they mistakenly gave me an exit interview. Not only did I put my grievances in writing, but I was adamant that the “HR” person typed what I was saying verbatim.

There’s no point in those interviews unless you say what needs to be said.

I was talking to a friend recently and mentioned that Lil Debbie Fudge Rounds used to be the same diameter as the “Double Decker” ones.

Now they’re smaller than the diameter of an air hockey puck. And don’t even get me started on how regular Oreo Cookies used to look like the double stuff Oreos. The gall to cut the product in half, add the other half back to it, then charge more and have the balls to call it “double…”