Maybe someone prayed for it to be bullet proof and Big Papa had no say in it?

Same! Sometimes I type the email in Notepad/Wordpad first.

Are you drinking your kin’s blood and tears?

Unless the changes in anatomy require more kidney activity. Consider how horses pee.

Please don’t tell her you beat me or she’ll do the same.

And make sure the channel on the TV is set to the the same one as the RF adapter.

Maybe start a charity and raise money that way?

There’s no way an 80 year old woman has the life experience to compare to a 300-1,000 year old elf. There’s an inherent power discrepancy.

Also immortal. And hypersexual.

Oh man, a Total War: Lord of the Rings could be pretty badass.

You’d think these guys would know how to open a private Firefox tab.

We don’t know their mind. We don’t know their kind. Dark necessities are part of their design.

Seems like it’d be easier and more honest to have it just kill the parents.

He exposes people to chemical sludge every time he enters a room.

Or a Shark Tank-style infomercial product. “It’s The Orphanizer, From Ronco!”

More like, “I’m sorry you’re stuck in the dryer. Just ignore the 830 stepbros lining up behind you, it’s unrelated.”

He’s pasty white, but one of his personalities is black.

Also, hair stylists really should be more specific. You said you style hair, suddenly there’s a difference!?

You just earned yourself a seat on the board.

The company said in its blog post that the problem began in late February, but it has since been able to compensate for the lost data to some extent by modifying its algorithm.

Because that’s what people are worried about: THE LOST DATA.