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Those are some interesting and creative suggestions. Now, I’m no weapons engineer, but I believe there’s a term for aerosolized gasoline when deployed to put out a fire, and that term is “thermobaric bomb”.

Never mind that though, it’ll totally work: Not only is a building that no longer exists not a building on fire, but it’s guaranteed to never catch fire again. Problem permanently solved. If you’re in the market for a job, I’ve been told that Hellfire (“We may not put you out, but we’ll definitely put you down”) Inc. is hiring.

“Gilette - Follow The Road, Don’t Cross It™”

It’s like reading an article about a petrol refining company, who, having prior experience with gasoline as a useful and profitable substance, decides to seek venture capital for the development of a petrol-based fire-extinguisher. They obtain the funding - presumably because some people with money just wants to see the world burn and / or because being rich and having brains is not necessarily strongly correlated - but after having developed the product, tests conclusively prove the project’s early detractors right: The result is surprisingly always more fire, not less. And they “don’t know how to fix it, while still adhering to the vision of a petrol-based fire-extinguisher”.

Does he love his wife? I can’t recall a single sign of actual affection. A wife is just one more thing to check off the “list of things to have”, along with a house, a job and a son to carry on… Well, I don’t think Vernon knows what exactly. Probably some ill-defined set of Proper British Traditions. To be fair Petunia is using him in the exact same way for for precisely the same reason. And the money, of course.