I want a thick, prehensile tail that’s at least 2/3rds as long as my body. I want to be able to use to hold things, hang upside down like a opossum, climb trees, and slap the shit outta Greg from work when he irritates me. That’s the kind of tail I wish humans had. I don’t care if it’s furry or smooth. I’ll crochet a tail condom if I need to.