It has not been easy and I can’t deny my privilege, if we’re to be honest. I’ve moved on a student residency permit which requires me to prove I can financially survive the entire time. I’ve saved enough from working in tech to (probably) pay for the full 30 months tuition and living expenses.

I sold, donated, and trashed everything I owned except what could fit in a backpack and two suitcases. I’ve left my family, friends, partners, and a well paying job. I’m alone and scared and I’ve never been more stressed in my life. I can’t speak or read Swedish well at all and it makes everything more complicated and I get embarrassed about it.

The legal process was in the works for nearly a year making sure I was lining everything up correctly. It could have been done much faster but I was also in the middle of recovering from a major surgery and going through a divorce.

Now that I’m here I had to get biometrics done to get issued an official residency permit card, I took that and a bunch of other stuff to apply for a personnummer and ID card. It took a couple weeks to get the permit and the ID card will be over a month. Then I can take that card and get a Bank ID. Without a personnummer or Bank ID I basically only exist as a ghost. I can’t get a bank account, be on a real phone plan, get proper medical, hell I can’t even sign up for a grocery store membership. I don’t know how I’m going to pay rent because they want me to wire the money, my bank only does international wires over the phone, and my prepaid phone plan can’t do international calls.

I’m in a bureaucratic nightmare for an indefinite amount of time while I watch my savings evaporate. So far it’s worth it though. I feel safe here, the people are kind, I can see myself one day feeling at home in a way I never saw while I lived in the US.