Former U.S. President Donald Trump said on Thursday he had canceled a press conference scheduled for next week to release a report into the 2020 election in Georgia, saying his attorneys would put his arguments in court filings instead.
Look, we had the report, ok? It was complete and it was an amazing report, a perfect report, it was just so good. Some say it was the best report they ever saw. My lawyers said, Donald, how did you come up with this, are you a lawyer? Because it was just so perfect. If only they knew! I’m better than any lawyer! And then Obama, this guy… where was he even born? Who is this guy? He sends his vicious dogs after me, they almost got me, these thugs, these evil dogs… and they ate my report. He was so jealous of my report! Look, believe me, ok, I’ll rewrite the report. It will be even better. The best. Believe me.
Look, we had the report, ok? It was complete and it was an amazing report, a perfect report, it was just so good. Some say it was the best report they ever saw. My lawyers said, Donald, how did you come up with this, are you a lawyer? Because it was just so perfect. If only they knew! I’m better than any lawyer! And then Obama, this guy… where was he even born? Who is this guy? He sends his vicious dogs after me, they almost got me, these thugs, these evil dogs… and they ate my report. He was so jealous of my report! Look, believe me, ok, I’ll rewrite the report. It will be even better. The best. Believe me.
Needs more witch-hunt
And random capitalizations.
Also it failed to go off on enough of a random tangent. The Obama bit should be about three paragraphs.
That would be surprisingly coherent of him 😜