My 20’s are mostly a blur because I was semi bedbound because of a heart + neurological condition so I don’t even remember much of what happened. If you ask me what I remember from my 20s most of it is just vague descriptions of hospital appointments. Mentally I’d say I’m at the age I was right before I got really sick, around 20. Despite all the stress my illness caused me everyone says I look 18 or 19. When I say my age people legitimately think I’m trying to prank them. If I put my photo on a dating website along with my age people are going to assume I’m doing a bad job at catfishing. I don’t know what to do. Do I get with a 35 year old guy (which would look weird in public) or date someone a little over my perceived age?
fuck what other people tell you, follow your heart
Ditto
Why is it 20 or 35 if you are 30, and not, well, 30?
Date someone you like! Just go out with some guys and figure out what you like.
Life’s too short to pick your partners based on other people’s aesthetic preferences. The whole, ‘is this guy too young for me thing’ is a more complicated choice IMO. Maybe you’re over thinking it. Have you been on any dates recently?
Date someone you feel comfortable with beyond appearances. Because that’s what relationships rely on.
Unless you plan on staying looking like you’re 18 until you die, or forever if you’re not planning to die, then yes just date hot guys under 25 only, indefinitely.
Obviously you find a 35 year old guy who looks to be 18 or 19. Then you can shock people together.
Or the reverse, find an 18/19 year old who looks 35!
If I had to guess the optimum would be around 26. Not too much younger, and looks not too much older. Good luck haha.
Worry less about your age, their age and what people think. Focus more on what will make you happy. If you feel like dating someone in their early 20s is not predatory, then go for it. Remember, some 20 year olds will be less mature, too.
Yeah I feel attracted to men in their early to mid twenties, but given my age I’m worried it’ll come off as predatory. It doesn’t feel like there’s up to nearly a decade of difference.
Dating someone in their 20s as a 30 year old is not predatory unless you’re preying on them (taking advantage of them by welding power over them or using their inexperience against them). It does not sound like you will be preying on them. Right now, focus on finding someone you like, their exact age doesn’t matter like you think it does.
Imo it’s not enough of gap to be a big deal, there are much worse age gaps, especially when you’re talking about only people above 21. I’ve often dated older and when I was in my early 20s I would go on the occasional date with someone around 30 and the biggest reaction I got from friends or people around me was light teasing, but most didn’t really care. Now that I’m 30 I don’t feel that uncomfortable dating down to around 25, but I also look young and don’t feel like I’ve matured that much since my 20s.
I don’t think most people would care at the end of the day, I feel like it only becomes weird when you’re like in your 40s dating down to 20 something.
So it’s more like you’re into someone younger and you want to ask if it’s ok to date them? That depends on other circumstances, not just the age.
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Most 20 year olds are less mature, not some. It’s predatory.
OP specified that, due to mental haze in their 20s related to their health issues, they mentally feel closer to 20.
Most 20 year olds are less mature than a 30 yo. What I mean is that some 20 yo are less mature than a typical 20 yo. Some are more mature.
Op could be predatory, but it’s not predatory by virtue of age alone. there is also a big difference with, say, an 18yo. Or conversely a 23 yo. After 20, a 10 year gap is no big deal.
There are predatory relationships at all ages. From OPs description, this is not the relationship type they are looking for, as they themselves feel less mature. I’d say 25 to 18 is worse than 30 to 20. It’s not the age gap that matters but the maturity difference and power imbalance.
In context, I suspect they meant to say some 30 year olds will be less mature, rather than saying look at a less mature age group, then go even lower
Mentally I’d say I’m […] around 20.
So that’s what you are looking for in a partner.
Date a 30 yo that looks like they are in their 60s for true shock value.
You date who you are attracted to, who cares what other people think?
I have male pattern baldness, which I don’t think would work for you quite so well(!), but I can change my apparent age by 10 years by simply putting on a baseball cap. I figure there must be things other people can do that have the same effect. Make-up maybe. Or less of it.
Most people lean into reducing wrinkles and crows feet. Maybe the opposite strategy might be for you.
That said, maybe you don’t need to care about what other people think, and you can just keep doing what you have been doing without resorting to any changes whatsoever. If you look like an adult, and aren’t acting like you’ve been abducted, then people aren’t going to call the police on your potential boyfriends, and that’s all you’d really need to worry about. Let people talk. People are stupid.
I’m a 40yo, and when I play guessing game with people, they say something like “you’re not older than 26”. I just think that I’m probably lucky with genetics , but that doesn’t really change what I do or who I meet with. And I’m emotionally like 21, so it works for me
Date who you’re interested in (within the law), ignore the haters
correct
Had a friend with this problem. All she could come up with was changing her wardrobe to reduce the appearance of youth. But as others said, date who you want. No matter how you look or who you date there will be judgemental eyes that should be rightfully ignored.
I will only say that you should probably not date an age, just a person. It’ snot their date of birth we may spend time (maybe eve our live) with , it’s who they are.
Since we’re on the Internet, I should probably make it clear that I mean dating a person of legal age.
edit: typos
